Anxiously Awaiting

I have been having these urges lately to write.  Unfortunately, since coming home from my mission I have been slack as with keeping up on my journal!  But there are just some days where I just wanna let my feelings flow.  Have you ever experienced that?  

So, here I am.  I am going to try and convey my jumbled thoughts.  

I can't believe it's been over a year and a half since I last wrote here. My, how time flies.  It doesn't seem that long ago that I was anxiously awaiting my time to leave and serve my full-time mission in the Australia Perth Mission.  I remember those feelings like it was yesterday!  Here are a few I will share:

1. Scared. 

I had no idea what I was really getting myself into. Everyone who has 

ever served a mission has said, "My mission is the hardest thing I have 

ever had to do in my life!  But it was so worth it."  I was excited about the latter part, 

but scared about the former.  What did 'hard' consist of anyway? 

2. Inadequate.  

I wondered if I was cut out for the whole sister missionary business.

I wondered if my testimony was strong enough or even if I was strong enough

to leave everything I knew behind and walk into the unknown.  Would I be

able to answer the deepest questions of others' souls? Did I really have all

the answers because I have the Gospel?

3. Anxious.

Despite my moments of uncertainty, this experience was something I 

sincerely wanted for myself.... I was anxious to go and help God's precious 

children and to also grow myself. 

I was anxious to be on my own and learn to become a little more independent

 (let's be honest....I am a pretty big  home-body and have 

always heavily relied on my parents and their opinions or help). 

I knew this would be something that would 

change my life

completely, but for the best.  

4. Excitement.

I was going to Australia!  A place I had only ever dreamed to go.

I was going to be serving the Lord and I knew that my decision to go was a good one.

The right one.

The spirit worked with me, and even though I was scared outta my mind, I 

knew that the Lord would be beside me and I trusted Him.

5. Loved.

As I put my trust in the Lord, I came to realise how much He loved me.

(and still loves me!)

When I made the decision to go on a mission and potentially lose

my spots in the 2 nursing programs I was accepted to,

miracles began to happen.  I began to truly believe that the Lord honestly cares

about what I care about, and He loves me wholly and wants

me to be happy. He has always wanted to bless me with my desires, but could only

do so when I put my trust in Him and let Him direct my paths. 

I experienced these emotions over and over again while on my mission.  Sometimes I experienced them myself, and other times I experienced them through those I taught.  Time and time again I witnessed my investigators go through this same process, feeling:

1. Scared.

Knowing little to nothing about the Church of Jesus Christ of 

Latter-Day Saints caused them fear of becoming a part of it let alone even

investigating it. They were almost always hesitant to take a step into the unknown. 

Plus when they did decide to learn...they were scared of the changes 

they were going to have to make. 

2. Inadequate.

Those I taught would always express how they didn't feel good enough

or worthy enough to: come to church, pray, get baptised, etc. 

They didn't know if they were strong enough to give up their addictions

and continue to keep the commandments after baptism.  They simply

didn't feel good enough. 

3. Anxious.

Once they began to gain their own little testimony and experience bits of

the Gospel for themselves, they began wanting the blessings

 of it in their own lives. They saw how it affected every aspect of their existence,  

and they started to realise that this was going to change them

forever, for the best. They began to see that they could be good enough. 

4. Excitement.

My investigators started to become excited as they were making changes and 

progressing.  They were headed in a direction that days, month, even 

years ago they had only dreamed of heading!  Even though at 

times they didn't understand everything and were scared outta their minds, the 

Spirit worked with them and helped them to continue on and put their

trust in the Lord. 

5. Loved.

Throughout the process they began to believe that the Lord loved them. No

matter what poor decisions they had made in their lives, the Lord

was merciful and He loved them, too. 

He sincerely cared about what was important to them; He would

help them to realise that as they kept His commandments and 

made the changes for good in their lives. 

I see that this is a pattern that can frequently be seen throughout our lives in different situations.  I am currently a nursing student in Southern Utah University's nursing program.  It has been quite the ride!  I have had these same feelings since being home and attending uni:

 Scared....Inadequate....Anxious....Excited....and Loved.  

I am grateful that I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life that helps to keep me grounded each day, no matter how I may be feeling.  It can always point me back to where I should be and pushes me to be better. 

I am again anxiously awaiting to go (back) to Perth, Australia. My mum and I get to take a 2 week holiday there for the sealing of a very special family.  I am so grateful that I chose to serve a mission and for the people I got to meet while doing so.  I am grateful for the deeper understanding I gained and that I continue to gain each day as I try my best to follow Christ. I am grateful that I know I'm not perfect, and that right now: I'm NOT supposed to be!  Whenever I am scared or feeling inadequate and I fall, I am grateful that I can still feel the love of my Saviour, Jesus Christ, who always has He hand reaching out waiting for me to be brave and take it again.  

This life is never easy.  Christ never said it would be easy...... but He has always said it will be worth it.

I anxiously await the day that I get to meet Him again. 

And I know that He is anxiously awaiting to meet me, too. 

Four Days. . . . 4 4 4 4 4 :)

Four days left.... I can hardly believe it! Starting tomorrow, I will be in the WEEK OF my mission report date.  When I opened my call, it was a 4 1/2 month wait and now it's only 4 DAYS!

This is my last weekend at home for the next year and a half--it's definitely bittersweet.  But I am so excited for this amazing opportunity and for the growth I know that will come along with.

I just wanted to write 4 of the things I will miss and 4 things I am looking forward to about this new adventure in my life.

I will miss......

-my wonderful family and our game nights accompanied with junk food, or sitting around the TV and watching the Biggest Loser, or harmonizing to songs on the radio in the car

-my bed buddy (aka my sweet kitty)

-working out for at least an hour

-my brother's senior year of track, his graduation, and weddings of friends/family


I am looking forward to......

-being on a spiritual high

-meeting the Australian people and coming to love them

-accents accents accents!

-working along side other amazing Sisters and making many new friends


Also, here are 4 photos from my mission photoshoot that I like:

Oh my gosh! I can't believe the time is nigh at hand.  Tuesday night at 9:00 pm I will be set apart by my awesome Stake President as a new Sister Missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.




I am ready .




(I just need to pack)   ;)

Farewell; this isn't goodbye forever!

Farewell (noun): an expression of good wishes at parting;  a party given to a person who is about to embark on a long journey, retire, leave an organization etc.

I'm not dying! This isn't goodbye forever! :) 

In just 11 short days I will be starting my journey as an Aussie Sister missionary! I can't believe how little the numbers are getting.  I opened my call 4 1/2 long months ago.....and now I'm down to a week and a half. WOW!

Me and my good friend, Krystal, who is currently serving in the Australia Melbourne mission!

My farewell was this past Sunday.  First I just wanna thank everyone who came for your love and support!  And I know there were those who really wanted to be there, but weren't able due to the horrible weather and other circumstances....thank you for your love and support as well!  It was truly a great day....one of the best!  I have honestly not felt that cared about in a long time.  It was overwhelming to see so many faces from my past, present, and maybe even my future!  

The spirit I felt in that meeting was so strong.  My family actually did the musical number; it was beautiful.  During the song, I don't know if there was a dry eye in the congregation!  It was powerful. So by the time I got up to speak, I was already a blubbery mess! 

So for those of you who weren't able to be there, or for the many of you who have asked for a copy of my talk: I am going to post it here :)  It was roughly a 20 minute talk, mind you. But I hope you enjoy it! It is on a very important topic in my opinion....so get ready!

Every Member A Missionary

 Farewell Talk February 24, 2013

G’day mates!  Thank you all for coming to listen to me speak this morning J 

                I would like to start off with a quote given by President Brigham Young: “There is neither man or woman in this Church who is not on a mission.  That mission will last as long as they live, and it is to do good, to promote righteousness, to teach the principles of truth, and to prevail upon themselves and everybody around them to live those principles that they may obtain eternal life.”  ­

                As you might have gathered, today I am speaking to you on the topic of missionary work….and I am SO very excited to do so! But I am not just speaking about the full time, name-tag wearing, walk around everywhere on the other side of the world type of missionaries… Rather, the fact that everybody is a missionary, an “Everyday Missionary.”   

                I want to share a story with you to show that missionary work can also be little things.  My mother tells this story better than I do, but I will give it a shot.  It takes place back when I was a little girl, around the age of nine:

                “When President Hinckley was our living prophet, do you remember when he asked the men not to have earrings, and the women to only have one pair if they chose to have their ears pierced?

                At the time this talk was given, my mom had about 3 pairs of earrings in one ear and 2 in the other.  She had had them since she was a teenager.  She loved them, too, mind you. When I heard this talk, I kept pestering my mother about taking out the earrings because "the prophet has specifically asked women to only have one pair." She always replied and argued in defense saying, "No, because he's talking to rebellious teens who are piercing weird parts of their bodies......and I love my earrings. I never take them out. I sleep in them, even. They are a part of my face! I don't have them because I'm being rebellious."

                Anyway, one day I decided to try, yet again, while my mom was minding her own business relaxing in the bathtub.  I sat on the floor very upset with her. This time I took a difference stance. Instead of lecturing her, I came to her with "those big brown eyes, brim full of tears" and asked her to "please take them out." I was basically afraid she was going to go to hell for not taking out her earrings and listening to what the prophet asked.  I was concerned for her well-being and felt she was being rebellious.

                If you can believe it, she remained resistant until I uttered these words......."Mom, you know it's not just the prophet saying this. It comes from God."

                What could a good mother do? I mean really. She couldn't argue with God in front of her own child....and she could really see that it was important to me. So she said, "Ok, Kelsie.  I'll take them out." Then she proceeded to take out the earrings, placing them in my little hands. I was thrilled beyond belief! Grinning from ear-to-ear, I wrapped my arms around her neck and said "Thanks, Mommy." Then I was out, lingering no longer.

                And that was that. I am proud to say she still only wears one pair today! ;)

So really, follow the prophet 'cuz no matter how small the thing is he asks of us, it still comes from God.

Even a little 9 year old knew that.”

                I want to make sure you understand a definition I like to associate with being a missionary so that you’ll be able to understand my message today a little bit better.  A missionary is simply someone that brings another closer to Christ.  You can be a missionary every day of your life.  You don’t have to be an adult to be a missionary.  And you don’t even have to travel to Australia, Madagascar, Brazil, Mexico, California, or Idaho to be a missionary.  Being a missionary starts within yourself and then with those right around you!

                President Howard W. Hunter once said, “A great indicator of one’s personal conversion is the desire to share the gospel with others.”  Pretty straightforward, huh?  Some of you honestly may not be ready to do this, for you have to work on fully converting yourself, first.  In D&C 11:21 it reads, “Seek not to declare my word, but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed; then, if you desire, you shall have my Spirit and my word, yea, the power of God unto the convincing of men.”

                In a talk given by M. Russell Ballard he says, “But as we raise the level of expectation for the performance of our missionaries, we must also raise the level of expectation for the performance of all of the members of the Church in fulfilling our missionary duties. We need your help, brothers and sisters, to support and assist our missionaries in finding and baptizing many more of our Heavenly Father’s children. We need you to watch over, protect, and inspire the missionaries, who are servants of the Lord.  If the standard is to be raised, it is raised for all of us. We must be more faithful. We must be more spiritually in tune. We must prepare ourselves to assist the missionaries in finding those of our Heavenly Father’s children who will embrace the message of the Restoration.

                Remember, brothers and sisters, we’re not marketing a product. We’re not selling anything. We’re not trying to impress anyone with our numbers or our growth. We are members of the restored Church of Jesus Christ, empowered and sent forth by the Lord Himself to find, nourish, and bring safely into His Church those who are seeking to know the truth.”

                President Gordon B. Hinckley also taught, “So many of us look upon missionary work as simply tracting. Everyone who is familiar with this work knows there is a better way. That way is through the members of the Church.  Whenever there is a member who introduces an investigator, there is an immediate support system. The member bears testimony of the truth of the work. He is anxious for the happiness of his investigator friend.  He becomes excited as that friend makes progress in learning the gospel.   The full-time missionaries may do the actual teaching, but the member, wherever possible, will back up that teaching with the offering of his home to carry on this missionary service.  He will bear sincere testimony of the divinity of the work. He will be there to answer questions when the missionaries are not around. He will be a friend to the convert who is making a big and often difficult change….The process of bringing new people into the Church is not the responsibility alone of the missionaries. They succeed best when members become the source from which new investigators are found.”

                In a great book I recently came across and bought, entitled “The Power of Everyday Missionaries”, by Clayton M. Christensen (let’s call him Clay for short for future reference!), he gives what he calls fundamental principles for being able to find people for the missionaries to teach.  I would like to discuss and give examples of a few of them.  The first one he talks about is:    

       1.       Don’t predict who will or will not be interested in the gospel.  We can’t know that, so don’t pre-judge.  Talk with everyone!  Become their friend!  And if they end up not being interested in the church, don’t just drop the friendship. Always show unconditional love.  The only way all people can have the opportunity to choose or reject the gospel of Jesus Christ is for us, without judgment, to invite them to follow the Savior.  We need not and should not alter our relationships with others in order to invite them.  In Clay’s book he says: “You succeed when you invite, regardless of how it turns out.”

                With permission, I would like to share the following:  When I was a senior in high school I got my license to be a CNA.  The summer after my senior year, in 2010, I got my first job at a nursing home in Springville.  That summer I met someone who is very dear to my heart.  My experiences with this person have forever changed me.  A few months after getting my job I had the opportunity for some great missionary work.  At the time, Irma was one of our newer residents.  Her husband Ruben would come to see her every day.  He missed her, and the change of her being at the nursing home was hard for him. Whenever I worked I got to see him, and we became the best of buddies!

Irma, Ruben and myself

                Whenever I took my dinner break I would go and sit by Irma and Ruben because they were usually chillin’ out in the dining room at a table.  Ruben­ would say he always looked forward to the times I worked, and he dreaded when I would go off to college because he was really going miss me, and the help I gave his wife.

                So… it all started when one day, Ruben and I got talking religion. Somehow I knew Ruben wasn't LDS and later found out he was Catholic. He was inactive in that religion because he felt something was missing.  We got talking a lot, and I told him about the plan of salvation and that families can be together forever, and I explained the purpose of baptism.  I told him about patriarchal blessings and the temple.  I also explained a little about temple work.  He asked questions here and there and I did my very best to answer as correctly as possible.  

                The next night we got talking about more gospel topics, and I had him read some scripture verses that I brought with me; he seemed interested and said he thought what it said is true. He promised me he would read the Book of Mormon (or at least try starting it). I gave him a Book of Mormon that I had marked up with some of my favorite scriptures and things I had learned in seminary. I also wrote my testimony in the front.

                Another night Ruben and I were talking he said lately he was having a hard time with his wife being gone and that he could hardly ever eat from being upset over it. He just was having a hard time understanding WHY all of this was happening to him. I told him about Joseph Smith, and the scripture found in D&C 122 about how all of our challenges are for our good. The Lord has a purpose for everything.  I told him maybe, just maybe the reason his wife was in the nursing home, is so he'd get the chance to meet me; maybe the Lord wanted him to hear the gospel from me because I could reach him and teach it to him in a way his family, who are members, hadn't been able to.  After we talked he thanked me, and sweetly said "I think you're my angel." Then he gave me a big hug.  It was an emotional, sweet experience.

My last night of work before college.

                So that is the beginning of my missionary experience with Ruben.  And it doesn’t end there!  Over the 3 years I have known him, we have become really close; I consider him my adopted Grandpa.  He knows, and loves, my whole family as well.  (Oh! And something you should know about Ruben is that he is strong in character; if he doesn't want to do something, he won't.)  The biggest "battle" the past year was for about 7-8 months I had been trying to occasionally invite him to come to church with me.  He would agree, but then back out and say he couldn't come because he was scared and didn’t like not knowing what to expect.  On a side note, he had started going to the MTC sometimes during this time period and volunteered as an investigator for the missionaries being trained.  Since he's Argentine, he'd help out by speaking Spanish with them.  After going a couple times, he actually finally attended church with his daughter and their family, and it wasn't as bad as he thought, just like I kept telling him!

                Well.....I guess what I'm trying to get at is, after my family arrived home from our vacation this past July, Ruben told me he DECIDED TO GET BAPTIZED!!!  You can imagine my excitement when I heard this.  I have loved watching Ruben's faith grow over the years, and seeing that he was ready even before he knew he was. I just had to patiently and lovingly wait until his fear subsided and he allowed himself to realize what I think he knew for a long time.  I never could have predicted when I first met Ruben that he would give me the opportunity to share something I dearly love with him, and that he would even come to accept it for himself!  Just the other day I was talking with him, and he says he can’t wait for when he’s allowed to go to the temple! I’m truly grateful for Ruben and the experiences we have shared.   I’m happy to say that Ruben is here today, so I hope I haven’t embarrassed him too much.  I just wanna say:  te quiero, Viejo! Gracias por todo.  

After Ruben's baptism :)

                The next principle Clay gives is:

     2.       Create conversations about the Gospel.  Use Mormon words in every conversation.  In a recent talk entitled “A Word for the Hesitant Missionary” by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, he brings up this very thing!  He says: “Bringing up the subject of religion—particularly to our friends and loved ones—can seem daunting and challenging. It doesn’t have to be. Mentioning spiritual experiences or talking about Church activities or events in casual conversation can be easy and pleasant if we invest a little courage and common sense.

More often than not, the people who hear this want to know more. They ask questions. And that leads to opportunities to talk about the gospel in a natural, confident, non-pushy way.”

        This last summer my family went on vacation to Eugene, Oregon where we got to watch the Olympic trials of Track and Field!  Talk about an awesome experience!  If you know my family, you know we love track! While we were there we met many, many wonderful people.  One of them was our motel desk clerk.  He was a tall and somewhat awkward fellow. Very nice, though. Well... You know how I am: I befriended him.  I would stop in on my way back to our room sometimes and we would visit almost every night for a little bit. 

        One of the nights when I was talking, he found out I was a Mormon. He mentioned he had only ever met a couple other Mormons before, but never really talked with them. Anyway, the next time I came in to visit I saw him at the computer. When he heard me walk in, he quickly exited out of the page he was on, but not before I saw what was on the screen: “Mormonism”….he was doing research.  I asked him what he’d been up to, and he said shyly, “Well…..actually, I’ve been learning more about your church.” 

        From the start, I told him I am open and for him to feel free to ask me any questions about my church that he wanted. I told him that it was also probably better and more accurate to ask me rather than searching on Wikipedia, because you never know what the truth is these days. He took that offer and asked many good questions, some I wasn’t even sure how to answer. 

        By the end of our stay there, I had given Mark a Book of Mormon with my testimony in it, and he had accepted my invitation to attend church there in Eugene with my family and I on our last day.  It was fast and testimony meeting, too. My mom, brother and I all got up and bore our testimonies.  Mark ended up enjoying his time with us at church, and the missionaries were there that day, so we introduced them to him and he took a card with their number.

In Eugene, after church with "Marky-Mark"

        A few months later, some of you may remember this, Mark came out to Utah to visit and stayed with my family for a few days and even attended church with us in this ward.  Later we had the local missionaries over for dinner and a little discussion.   Unfortunately since that trip, I haven’t gotten to speak with Mark much, so I don’t really know where he’s at in regards to the church, but I know that it has had an impact on him.  When my dad and I dropped him off at the airport, Mark told me that my family was kinder to him than he’s ever had someone be before, and that we had forever changed his view of Mormons. He was very grateful to us.  And to think this whole thing started because I made mention about my church in our conversations!

      3.       The third principle given in Clay’s book is: Ask for help when the winds of prosperity blow.  Basically this is saying that we should show those not of our faith that we need their help.  Like it states in Mark 8:35 “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.”  In other words, we need to give the chance to others to lose their lives for the sake of the gospel not just to the humble of the earth, but to prosperous people too.  Even though many prosperous, comfortable people don’t feel like they need religion, almost all of them have a need to help other people.

                Almost every calling that we undertake in the Church can be reframed as a missionary opportunity when we invite people who are not yet members of the Church to join with us in serving the Lord. And we can do it with confidence that, just as we feel the Spirit when we serve, our friends can feel the same Spirit—and realize that despite their prosperity, there has been something missing from their lives. 

An example from Clay’s book is the following story:  (“The Best Samaritan” on page 43)

                “Some time ago I called my friend Susan, who is not a member of our church, and asked, “I teach a class of nine-year -olds at our church.  In two weeks I’ve got to teach them one of the most important lessons of the year, about the good Samaritan.  Susan, you are the best example of a good Samaritan I have ever known. Is there any way you can help me prepare and teach this lesson?”  Susan felt that she didn’t merit such praise, but she said that she’d be happy to help.

                After Susan and I met to plan the lesson, I said, “One of the practices in our church is that when we deliver a talk or teach a lesson, we close by giving our testimony, or a statement of our personal belief, about the topic.  So I will probably express a simple testimony of my personal feelings about the principle of the good Samaritan.  Don’t feel like you need to do this too, but if you feel inclined, I’m sure it will touch some of the kids.”

                Susan replied, “If you think it will help the kids, I’ll try to do it.”

                The lesson went beautifully.  After I bore my testimony, Susan tearfully described how she felt whenever she helped another person.  When we were putting the room in order after the children had left, Susan thanked me for the chance to help, and then said, “I never show my emotions like I did just now. And I’ve never felt inside the way that I feel now.  Does this happen to you too?”

                “Yes.” I responded.  “What you feel is the Spirit of God. It is the way that God tells you that what you just said is true.”

                Susan offered, “If you ever need anyone to help you with another lesson, would you please let me do it? I’ve never felt like this before!”

                Overall, when we help others to do God’s will, they learn far more about what the Church and the Spirit feels like than they ever could through a conversation or from attending a ward social.

                 I would like to make mention that not only are those you share the gospel with blessed, but you are blessed as well!  There are many promises the Lord makes to us in the scriptures pertaining to the power and strength that we will receive as we share the gospel.  Before I close, I would like to share some of these blessings with you.  They are found in the Doctrine and Covenants in various sections:

1.       Section 24:12: “You shall receive strength such as is not known among men.”

2.       Section 44:5: “Your enemies will not have power over you.”

3.       Section 68:6: “The Lord will stand by you.”

4.       Section 68:4: “Your words will be scripture, shall be the will of the Lord, shall be the mind of the Lord, and shall be the voice of the Lord and power of God unto salvation.”

5.       Section 21:9: “You will be given a testimony of the words of the prophets.”

6.       Section 44: 5: “You will be able to keep God’s laws.”

7.       Section 18: 14-15: “Your joy shall be great.”

                (And these are only naming a few!)

                President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said: “Sometimes we take upon ourselves too much credit or too much blame when it comes to others accepting the gospel. It’s important to remember that the Lord doesn’t expect us to do the converting.

                Conversion comes not through our words but through the heavenly ministrations of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes all it takes is one single phrase of our testimony or about an experience to set in motion the softening of a heart or the opening of a door that can lead others to experience sublime truths through the promptings of the Spirit.

                President Brigham Young said he knew the gospel was true when he “saw a man without eloquence, or talents for public speaking, who could only say, ‘I know, by the power of the Holy Ghost, that the Book of Mormon is true, that Joseph Smith is a Prophet of the Lord.’” President Young said when he heard that humble testimony, “The Holy Ghost proceeding from that individual illuminate[d] my understanding, and light, glory, and immortality [were] before me.”

                Brothers and sisters, have faith. The Lord can magnify the words you speak and make them mighty. God doesn’t ask you to convert but rather to open your mouths. The task of converting is not yours—that belongs to the person hearing and to the Holy Spirit.”

                I want to bear testimony that I know how important missionary work is, and it isn’t just set aside for the full time missionaries.  The Lord needs all of His children to help one another to become closer to Him. That is what this life is about.

                I know that the things that are important to us, no matter how small, are important to our Heavenly Father, and that if we show our love for Him and our willingness to put Him first, things will fall into place and we will be blessed in return.

                I know this church is true, and I’m grateful for this opportunity I have to grow and to serve the Lord’s children.  I am grateful that I have such supportive parents, who are willing to give me up for a time and allow me to go on the opposite side of the world as a missionary. I cannot wait to teach the people of Australia about God and how much He dearly loves them and wants them to come home to Him. I know it is going to be hard to leave my family for this time, but I know it is so that others can be with theirs for eternity. 

                I am overwhelmed by how many family and friends’ faces I see here today for me.  It is truly amazing to feel so loved and supported in this event in my life, so I wanna thank you all!

I leave these things with you, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Thank you for taking the time to read this!  I hope you were able to feel the Spirit of Christ pushing you to do better!   Have a great Sabbath day! 

Inadequate.

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would get the opportunity to travel to Australia.  Never.

I knew serving a mission was a possibility for me. . .

But both at the same time?? It's like every missionary's dream!

I feel so lucky.

I leave 3 weeks from this very day.  I can't believe how the time has flown by!  Even though I am immensely excited, there is no doubt that I am scared. I know that I shouldn't let myself be filled with fear, because God is going to be on my side, but sometimes it's hard to not allow myself to feel that emotion.

In just 21 days, I will be taking upon me the name of Christ and representing Him and His church as a missionary.  At this point in time, I am overcome with so many different emotions, some even contradicting each other.  But mostly I have been feeling extremely inadequate.

Inadequate how? Well, just wondering if my testimony is strong enough, if I'm strong enough.  If I know the gospel well enough to teach, and those types of things.  But I am coming to realize that: it's okay.  It's okay for me to feel inadequate.  I should feel inadequate because ya know what? I AM.  We are all inadequate.  We become adequate through and with God!

I read in Alma chapter 26 recently....and it's a chapter I have come to love.  It has given me a lot of comfort.  In verse 7 it basically says that the missionaries are in the hands of the Lord; the Lord watches and protects His missionaries!

The verse I want to talk about though, is verse 12.  It states: "Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever."

I love how it says we are nothing, but it goes on to say that in God's strength, we can do ALL things.

So, I guess I'll allow myself to continue to feel inadequate, and I will just have the faith that by allowing the Spirit to be my guide and letting God stand by me, I will be able to accomplish anything.  I won't be inadequate.

"I love to see the temple! I went there. . . . yesterday!"

Oh how happy I am!  I have been grinning ear-to-ear all day long  :)  :)  Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to be invited into the House of the Lord and receive the special gift of my endownment.  I was pretty nervous before-hand, but once inside, the overwhelming and beautiful Spirit got rid of any fears I had.

I am so very grateful that I have such amazing parents that have set the example for me of how to live my life so that I could be worthy to go into the Lord's house yesterday and feel of His Spirit and love and the peace found within.  The temple is an absolutely wonderful place! It is worth every sacrifice to make it there to receive your endownment, and to help bless the lives of those who have already passed on before us.  Don't ever settle for less than the temple!

"Let us truly be a temple-attending and a temple-loving people….Let us make the temple, with temple worship and temple covenants and temple marriage, our ultimate earthly goal and the supreme mortal experience."   —Howard W. Hunter

"I know your lives are busy. I know that you have much to do. But I make you a promise that if you will go to the house of the Lord, you will be blessed; life will be better for you." —Gordon B. Hinckley

I was so emotional as I walked into the Celestial room and saw all of my family and loved ones standing there in white, waiting to receive me.  It was the best feeling in the world.  First I went over and hugged my mama and we cried as we held each other, and then my daddy came over and held us both. It was such a tender, sweet moment.  I only wish my little brother could have been there!  I'm just happy to know that one day HE WILL BE!  I am so grateful to have the knowledge that I am part of an eternal family.

So happy to have her by my side the whole time. 

Obviously there is so much to learn at the temple, and I didn't grasp it all my first time......I probably won't grasp it for a while, but I can't wait to go back! I have so many questions I would like to be able to ask. And, of course, I want to be able to feel of the strong Spirit always present there.

I just want y'all to know that I know this gospel is true and that everyone who can, should make getting to the temple a priority! The blessings found there are eternal!  God won't ever let us down if we follow Him and keep our covenants.  The temple is the Lord's house, and if we live worthy to be there, He will reside there and we can feel of His love. "For behold, I have accepted this house, and my name shall be here; and I will manifest myself to my people in mercy in this house." —D&C 110:7

My family, after the session got out.

"When you come to the temple you will love your family with a deeper love than you have ever felt before. The temple is about families."
                                                                                                                              —Richard H. Winkel

Me and my friend Paul. He has helped me SO much through my decision
 process of serving a mission....I am so grateful for his example :)

I am now an endowed woman!!! ;)

How it all unfolded..

All right, all right.
Many of you have probably heard my full story, while others may have not.  It is kinda long, but I think it's worth the read :)

So, like I mentioned in a previous post, I have wanted to serve a mission (off and on) since I was about 15 years of age.  Sometimes I felt it was the thing for me, other times I wasn't so sure.

In May of 2012, I finished my second year at Southern Utah University where I received my Associates of Science degree. I have all of my pre-reqs and generals done for the nursing program, so of course, I readily applied!  I have wanted to pursue my career in nursing for a long time, so by the time the decision letter came in the mail...I was SO anxious! Would I be starting nursing school at SUU the upcoming fall?  Would my nursing dreams slowly start to come true?

No.
I was rejected from the program.
But, surprisingly, I wasn't heart broken.  Even though I was bummed because I really wanted to continue on with my education, I knew that it was gonna be okay because I believe the Lord has a plan for me.  Proverbs 3:5-6 had a new meaning for me, and I clung to that scripture dearly.  I was trusting in my Lord, my God with all of my heart.  I didn't understand why things were happening the way they were, but I acknowledged Him and knew that He would direct me where I needed to be.

What did I do next?  I moved home for the summer and worked 4 part time jobs.  I volunteered at multiple health care places to get hours and build up my application for applying to nursing school, once again.  I thought that maybe I was rejected from SUU's program my first time applying because I needed to attend nursing school elsewhere, perhaps at BYU, and that some guy going to school there was supposed to come along and sweep me off my feet. 

No. This was not the case. I applied to both BYU and SUU but I was actually not rejected, like you may be thinking.  In fact, I was not only accepted to SUU's program but to BYU's as well!  This is a big accomplishment, because not many people get into BYU's nursing program their first time.  I couldn't believe it.  I was (and still am) so proud of myself, but instead of all of it being an exciting time for me, I was feeling a bit torn as well...

Now I need to quickly fill you in on a few important details so you know why I was feeling torn..
       I don't turn 21 until this upcoming April, and in my church (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) young women haven't been allowed to serve a full-time mission until they reach that age.  So honestly, a mission hasn't been on my radar for the last little bit....I mean, I had 6 more months to think about it, right?!

Wrong.

On Saturday, October 6, 2012, my life changed for the better.   After getting home in the nick of time from my brother's cross country meet, we turned on general conference.  I was not prepared for what the Prophet had to say.  He stood up at the beginning of the meeting, and made the biggest announcement in church history that I have ever been a part of.  He said, and I quote:

       "Brothers and sisters, I now turn to another matter—namely, missionary service.

       For some time the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles have allowed young men from certain countries to serve at the age of 18 when they are worthy, able, have graduated from high school, and have expressed a sincere desire to serve. This has been a country-specific policy and has allowed thousands of young men to serve honorable missions and also fulfill required military obligations and educational opportunities. 

       Our experience with these 18-year-old missionaries has been positive. Their mission presidents report that they are obedient, faithful, mature, and serve just as competently as do the older missionaries who serve in the same missions. Their faithfulness, obedience, and maturity have caused us to desire the same option of earlier missionary service for all young men, regardless of the country from which they come. 

       I am pleased to announce that effective immediately all worthy and able young men who have graduated from high school or its equivalent, regardless of where they live, will have the option of being recommended for missionary service beginning at the age of 18, instead of age 19. I am not suggesting that all young men will—or should—serve at this earlier age. Rather, based on individual circumstances as well as upon a determination by priesthood leaders, this option is now available. 

       As we have prayerfully pondered the age at which young men may begin their missionary service, we have also given consideration to the age at which a young woman might serve. Today I am pleased to announce that able, worthy young women who have the desire to serve may be recommended for missionary service beginning at age 19, instead of age 21.

      We affirm that missionary work is a priesthood duty—and we encourage all young men who are worthy and who are physically able and mentally capable to respond to the call to serve. Many young women also serve, but they are not under the same mandate to serve as are the young men. We assure the young sisters of the Church, however, that they make a valuable contribution as missionaries, and we welcome their service.

       We continue to need many more senior couples. As your circumstances allow, as you are eligible for retirement, and as your health permits, I encourage you to make yourselves available for full-time missionary service. Both husband and wife will have a greater joy as they together serve our Father’s children."

I could not believe what I was hearing!! I could serve a mission NOW if I wanted to instead of having to wait six months.  Oh my heavens.  At first I wasn't sure what to do; I had just finished and turned in my applications for 2 wonderful nursing schools and was patiently awaiting their replies. 

At first I decided I would wait to hear back from BYU and SUU and see if I was accepted into nursing school, and if I wasn't, I would start working on my papers.  But then it hit me:  I WANT to serve a mission. I have wanted to for a long, long, time.  Looking back at my initial reaction to the announcement and how emotional I was, I knew that deep down, I really wanted to serve a mission.  Right then, I knew that I was going to. 

So, with that said, I met with my Bishop and started my papers the next day in between conference sessions. I filled out the paper work and made my appointments for the dentist and doctor....it was all coming together so fast, but I was anxious and excited.  

The weekend before I got my call, I received the email from BYU and letter from SUU letting me know I had been accepted.  I felt absolutely torn! Course, I was proud of myself and excited, but not as excited as I should have been.  "Am I supposed to stay here and go to school instead of going on a mission?  Was the Lord just wanting me to show Him my willingness to serve, but want me to stay here after all?"  --These are the questions that flooded my mind.

I was a complete mess, to say the least, that Friday and Saturday.  My parents were out Friday night so my dad wasn't home to give me a blessing. I called a few young men from my ward to come and give me a blessing of comfort and counsel because I was home alone and couldn't stay calm.  The blessing was absolutely beautiful!  In it, I was told that the Lord would be happy with whatever decision I made and walk down whatever path I chose alongside me.   But later it also said that I needed to remember the previous counsel the Lord has already given me and that I KNOW my answer....

I am supposed to go on a mission.

On Sunday, October 28, Elder Russell M. Nelson, an Apostle of the Lord, came to my stake conference and spoke.  Wow! What a powerful meeting that was. I am so grateful that I was able to be a part of it.  The night before conference, I prepared myself by reading scriptures and prayerfully asking God if He would help me get an answer during conference on whether or not I was supposed to go on a mission.  

Well, guess what.  The whole conference was on missionary work!  :)  After it was over I got the great opportunity to meet Elder Nelson and talk with him for a few long minutes! The whole time we talked he held onto both my hands and looked me straight into the eyes.  I told him I was expecting my mission call the upcoming Wednesday, in which he replied, "Oh! I could have been the one to assign you your call. I was there this weekend..."--something to that effect. (If you weren't aware, Elder Nelson is over the mission calls/office or something). Anyway, I continued on to tell him about the BYU/SUU nursing school situation and how I was feeling torn and unsure, to which he simply said, "They can wait to have you."   

And that was my answer.  It was the last bit of courage I needed to continue on with my decision to serve the Lord and His children on a full-time mission.  I am so grateful for that tender mercy the Lord extended to me and for the testimony builder it was for me. And I even got a hug from an Apostle of the Lord!!

 

I am pleased to inform you that I have been called to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have been assigned to labor in the Australia Perth Mission and I will report to the Provo, Utah MTC on Wednesday, March 13, 2013!!!  This past month has been an absolute roller coaster; it's been terrifying, exhilarating and magnificent all at the same time! But I believe that I am doing what I am meant to do.  Actually, I know it's what I am meant to do. I have been SO blessed since I made the final decision to still go on a mission; I talked to both BYU and SUU about the fact that I am going, and they recently just changed their policies; they will defer and hold my spot in the program until after I return home from my mission!!  It used to be where I would have to at least attend one semester in the program before they would consider holding my spot.  

I have a testimony that if we all strive to put/acknowledge the Lord first in our lives, that He will pour blessings upon us.  I love this gospel and am so grateful for the marvelous blessing it is in my life. This gospel is meant to be shared with others.  I cannot possibly keep it to myself; it makes me happy and gives me purpose in life...and that is something I want to share! I cannot wait to share it with the people of Australia.  I hope I am able to help them realize the love their Heavenly Father has for them and how they can come unto Him and be together for eternity.

Perth, Australia....you better be ready cuz I'm a commin :)

Don't allow Satan to put a question mark where God has already put a period.

Oh my goodness.

I hope many of you are reading this because it has seriously touched me.

If any of you are thinking of serving a mission or have wanted to in the past but are now having doubts about it: don't!  Don't allow Satan to put a question mark where God has already put a period.
And for those of you who have already served: continue to serve! Continue to share the light and love with others. Don't be afraid to share the gospel even though you don't have a tag and a constant companion by your side. This post is not only for those who are considering serving, but for everyone.

Today I was at the dentist -Man! My dentist is just the best! Plus, I've known him for forever! :) After he finished working on me, before his next patient, he took the time to tell me a story that really hit home. He was pretty emotional about it while relaying it.

My Dentist knows of a (returned) missionary from Spanish Fork who told him this amazing story from his mission....

The missionary and his companion started teaching an old lady (I think in her 80's or 90's).  They taught her the first lesson, and gave her a Book of Mormon.  She read it and decided she wanted to be baptized.  Soon after she told them that, she let them know she wanted her patriarchal blessing, even though she was in her old age.  She wanted the opportunity to have it before she died.

Some time after getting the blessing, she wanted to hear her blessing again (like we all do after receiving our own).  After getting a printed copy, she asked the Elder to read it to her, in which he replied: "You should read it.  Blessings are very personal and sacred....I don't feel I should read it to you. It's yours."

What the Elders didn't know is that this lady was blind.  She proceeded to tell them this, and said that is why she wanted him to read her blessing to her.  She then let them know that she was able to read the Book of Mormon though a miracle from God -- during her time of reading the Book of Mormon, God allowed her to see the written words. She read the whole book being able to see! Upon finishing the book however, her vision was again gone. But God loved her enough that He had temporarily allowed her to see, so she, too, could learn of the truth and have that happiness in her life.

So, naturally, after hearing this, the Elder gladly read her blessing to her.  (This is the part that really gets to me).  In this lady's blessing, it said that she was supposed to be baptized......but a long time ago.  It told her that there was a young man who rejected a [mission] call.  He was the one who was supposed to be prepared to bring her the gospel, but he didn't serve.  So many years went by before two more Elders were called and prepared, found her, and brought her unto Christ. Soon after becoming a member and receiving her very own blessing, she passed on to be with her Heavenly Father again.

Whether this story be true or not (which I believe it is), it really impacted me.  The message is so wonderful.  We all should try and be more willing to put others first because we don't know who might really be needing it.  I honestly believe only certain people can really get to and touch someone's life. I honestly believe that those who serve missions are called to a specific mission because that is where they are needed most.  This gospel is so beautiful and I cannot wait to go out and share it with others.

Also, this afternoon I went with a dear friend of mine to the MTC and volunteered.  One of the missionaries that taught us was actually a convert himself (I was acting as a convert) and he told us his story and it brought the sweetest spirit!  He was baptized only 15 months ago, and is now on his own mission.  What a courageous young man he is!  You can just feel warm rays of Truth gleaming from him.  His testimony was so, so strong.  Any doubt I might have had about my upcoming mission was washed away!  If he can go out and serve a mission, having the gospel in his life 19 years less than I have had it, so can I....  And I will! I AM! (My call should be here in a couple of weeks. Eeeek!)  I know the Lord will bless me as I serve His children.

Today has been such a wonderful day.  I love the little tender mercies the Lord sends us, and that He sent me today.  I can't wait to proudly wear His name for a year and a half and represent His glorious gospel, helping to bring His children back home.

Don't allow Satan to put a question mark where God has so lovingly and obviously put a period.  Trust yourself and your righteous desires.  Don't let fear hold you back.


Proverbs 3:5-6 
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

Sister Kelsie Mariah Hadlock, lifelong missionary

This is SO Big!

Oh my gosh.



Oh my gosh!!!!!

If there is anything I got out of this conference it's that..........I am going on a mission.  I am meeting with my Bishop tomorrow in between sessions to start my papers.

I can't believe this is really happening! 

Some of you may be confused by this, because you know that I just submitted my nursing application to multiple schools and I have not yet heard back whether or not I got in.  I was going to wait a while before posting anything about this decision, but I just cannot keep it contained!  It's just too big to keep to myself!

Life is full of choices.  As President Monson announced the age change for young men going on missions, I just knew that an age change for young women was coming as well.  I thought maybe it was going to be 20, not 19, though.  I started sobbing when I realized what was happening.  I could not stop the tears. I felt so overwhelmed by the spirit and I was just so excited about this crazy-out-of-nowhere news! Not only for me, but for my brother who will be 18 in a couple weeks, who has now decided against completing a year of school but will go on his mission after he graduates in May instead.   My true emotion shone through in that moment.   I could not even believe what I was hearing.

Lately I have been feeling a bit down at life, wondering what it is I am supposed to do, and just sad because I've felt like my life is on hold.  (For those of you that don't know, I applied to nursing school at SUU last semester for this current semester but was not accepted so I am just taking this semester to work 4 part time jobs and take a BYU independent study course.)  But like I was saying, lately I have just been feeling frustrated about multiple things in life, such as:

 --wishing I could continue on with my career plans instead of not doing much this semester with not being in the nursing program right now

   --my dating life not working out while my facebook continues to flood with friends around me getting engaged and starting their "Happily Ever After"

--fighting with myself about what I really want deep down...Would I rather stay and do nursing and get married and start a family? Or would I rather go on a mission and have to worry about finishing school upon getting home? ....What if I forget the things I've learned?

These are the things that have been stressing me lately.

I wonder: is a mission going to be the right thing for me?  I mean, maybe I will be accepted into the nursing program, right?  Maybe I'm supposed to be there. Who knows?  What I do know for sure is, is that I love this gospel.  I love the pure joy I feel when I am able to share it with others who don't know.  I know that I am doing my part by showing my Heavenly Father my willingness to take care of His children.  I'm making this decision to start my papers now so that if I am needed, and don't get into a program, I can go as soon as possible.  On the other hand, if I do get into a nursing program, maybe I will turn them down anyway... until after a mission, that is.....I guess I will just cross that bridge when I reach it.  I will hopefully know if I'm accepted or not by November.


But deep down, I know what will happen.....and I am so excited!  I think a mission is for me.  My mind is practically made up, even though I could always change it and stay for my nursing degree. But a mission has been on my mind since I was 15.  On and off I have really wanted to go, or been so terrified and just wanted to stay here. But my sweet mother has always told me that I'm a "natural-born missionary".  I think I believe her. I mean my heavens!  Lately I've been feeling jealous of the girls who are already 21 and receiving their calls!
I can't wait to go and serve the Lord full time for 18 months, spreading His gospel to many more souls who are searching. When Ruben got baptized a few months ago (see my other posts if you don't know what I am talking about: And He's Getting Baptized!!!!, and A New Chapter Has Begun)  I didn't know he was going to be the first of many that I would bring unto Christ.

What a day this has been....

Tomorrow is going to be even better, I can feel it. 

D&C 18:10, 14-16:

"10 Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; 14 Wherefore, you are called to cry repentance unto this people.  15 And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father! 16 And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!"