Oh my gosh!!!!!
If there is anything I got out of this conference it's that..........I am going on a mission. I am meeting with my Bishop tomorrow in between sessions to start my papers.
I can't believe this is really happening!
Life is full of choices. As President Monson announced the age change for young men going on missions, I just knew that an age change for young women was coming as well. I thought maybe it was going to be 20, not 19, though. I started sobbing when I realized what was happening. I could not stop the tears. I felt so overwhelmed by the spirit and I was just so excited about this crazy-out-of-nowhere news! Not only for me, but for my brother who will be 18 in a couple weeks, who has now decided against completing a year of school but will go on his mission after he graduates in May instead. My true emotion shone through in that moment. I could not even believe what I was hearing.
Lately I have been feeling a bit down at life, wondering what it is I am supposed to do, and just sad because I've felt like my life is on hold. (For those of you that don't know, I applied to nursing school at SUU last semester for this current semester but was not accepted so I am just taking this semester to work 4 part time jobs and take a BYU independent study course.) But like I was saying, lately I have just been feeling frustrated about multiple things in life, such as:
--wishing I could continue on with my career plans instead of not doing much this semester with not being in the nursing program right now
--my dating life not working out while my facebook continues to flood with friends around me getting engaged and starting their "Happily Ever After"
--fighting with myself about what I really want deep down...Would I rather stay and do nursing and get married and start a family? Or would I rather go on a mission and have to worry about finishing school upon getting home? ....What if I forget the things I've learned?
These are the things that have been stressing me lately.
I wonder: is a mission going to be the right thing for me? I mean, maybe I will be accepted into the nursing program, right? Maybe I'm supposed to be there. Who knows? What I do know for sure is, is that I love this gospel. I love the pure joy I feel when I am able to share it with others who don't know. I know that I am doing my part by showing my Heavenly Father my willingness to take care of His children. I'm making this decision to start my papers now so that if I am needed, and don't get into a program, I can go as soon as possible. On the other hand, if I do get into a nursing program, maybe I will turn them down anyway... until after a mission, that is.....I guess I will just cross that bridge when I reach it. I will hopefully know if I'm accepted or not by November.
But deep down, I know what will happen.....and I am so excited! I think a mission is for me. My mind is practically made up, even though I could always change it and stay for my nursing degree. But a mission has been on my mind since I was 15. On and off I have really wanted to go, or been so terrified and just wanted to stay here. But my sweet mother has always told me that I'm a "natural-born missionary". I think I believe her. I mean my heavens! Lately I've been feeling jealous of the girls who are already 21 and receiving their calls!
I can't wait to go and serve the Lord full time for 18 months, spreading His gospel to many more souls who are searching. When Ruben got baptized a few months ago (see my other posts if you don't know what I am talking about: And He's Getting Baptized!!!!, and A New Chapter Has Begun) I didn't know he was going to be the first of many that I would bring unto Christ.
What a day this has been....
Tomorrow is going to be even better, I can feel it.
D&C 18:10, 14-16:
"10 Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; 14 Wherefore, you are called to cry repentance unto this people. 15 And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father! 16 And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!" |
Don't second guess yourself. You know what you've wanted in this regard since you were 15 and you know what you felt/feel today. Whether your schools accept you into their program or not, be firm and have peace in your decision and you will be blessed when you return. I really believe that.
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